Yankees Clinch (... the AL East)!

Congratulations to the New York Yankees on clinching the AL East last week! We at YankeesButts couldn’t be happier! The above pic was snapped at the stadium as the celebration began, and while we can’t be certain exactly which Yankees Butt it is, to the trained eye, it appears that Nick Swisher is about to grab a bottle of bubbly and go to town on his teammates! Ahhhh, grown men in goggles, dousing each other in alcohol, surrounded by cameras. Is there anything more homo-erotic sexier? Smells like the Post-Season!

As much as we’d like to do a crazy-eyed drunken Irish Jig in response to the Red Sox’s late-season implosion, you gotta admit, this week has provided some intense, stressful, and incredibly entertaining baseball! And if Red Sox fans needed another reason to hate the Yanks, they got it, watching the B-Team blow a 7-0 lead and serve the Rays an extra-innings victory, courtesy of an Evan Longoria walk-off, line-drive, home run! Bucky Dent, Aaron Boone, & Scott Proctor?! A special YankeesButts thanks goes out to the Baltimore Orioles for keeping the curse alive by way of Robert Andino! Like good ol’ Teddy Roosevelt once said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are!”

Tomorrow’s ALDS opener will deliver a pitching duel of epic proportions: SABATHIA vs. VERLANDER! Fingers crossed for Yankees Butts through the 4th week in October!

The Grandyman's Can

Ahh, hello loyal readers, and welcome to a slightly belated start to the 2011 Yankees Butts season! Thanks for tuning in! It's been long enough, let's do this!

It's only fair to start the 2011 season with one of the most productive players of the first half: CF, #14, Curtis Granderson. Grandy is one of the American League leaders in both Home Runs & RBI's and the MLB leader in Runs scored. In addition to being awesome on the field (like when he belted one out of cavernous New Shea the other night), The Grandyman is awesome off the field too, where he donates his time to organizations aimed at helping inner city youth, schools, and athletic programs. He's a spokesperson for both RBI Baseball & First Lady Michelle Obama's Let's Move, Anti-Obesity Campaign. Curtis is a 2011 AL All Star and an all-the-time outstanding human being. He's also got a super cute Yankees Butt.

Here we see him warming up the Outfield with #11, Brett Gardner at last Tuesday's game vs. the Milwaukee Brewers. Please note the high-socks* & fantastic Yankees Butt!


Curtis Granderson is motivational in more ways than he even knows. Grandy is officially my Muse. And I've never once seen him in an Ed Hardy shirt, which scores him some mad Extra Credit points, cuz that shit's like Crack (ha!) to Baseball Players.

For all these reasons and more, The Grandyman's Can gets our 2011 First Half MVP MVB Award. Most Valuable (Yankees) Butt!



* my favorite.

A-Rod's Quest for 600.

It's been awhile, but rest assured, Yankees Butts has not left you. I've read your complaints/threats, and realize there's a great need for some Yankees Butts action STAT.

And never has a Yankees Butt needed us so badly as it does right now. Alex Rodriguez just happened to be strolling along one day and hit 599 home runs without anyone paying attention to him. Every day since: 30 reporters ask him why he hasn't hit #600 yet, the fans come flocking to the freak show and blind him with camera flashes, Umps are switching out his balls (ha!), and poor A-Rod can't even go to the Hustler Club without someone shoving a "#600 TONIGHT?" oak-tag sign in his face. It's a real mind-fuck.

That's why A-Rod is getting a nod this week. Don't mistake it for sympathy, because it's actually a Vote of Confidence. A-Rod,

We know you're gonna hit #600. And if not-- if you manage to play out the rest of your career without hitting even ONE MORE home run, you've always got that fine Yankees Butt to fall back on.

Love, Yankees Butts It's been nearly 2 weeks since his last home run. He needs our help. So, during his next at-bat, take a good look and think about everything A-Rod's Yankees Butt has done for you over the years. It's time to repay the favor. If we all work together, maybe-- just maybe, we can will that ball into the third-tier... or at least over the short porch.

And They Just Stood There...

As if they knew a totally cute blogger was admiring their fine Yankees Outfielding Butts from the bleachers.

Yes, they're also assessing (ha?) the damage from the recent boxing match that destroyed the precious field, but more importantly, this spontaneous photo-op from the recent Phillies series has afforded us a chance to throw some love out to the 2010 Yankees OF.

#33, Swishaa's trimmed down in the off-season with great results, #11, Brett Gardner has become the productive pest that everyone had hoped for, and #14, Curtis Granderson made an immediate positive impact in the lineup. When healthy, he adds flow. The more I see him play, the more I dig his style. Grandy is the type of guy who knows where his library card is. I can say for certain, that it is in neither of his back pockets. I tell you whut.

A-Rod Wants To Make You Happy

That's A-Rod down there. You can tell it's A-Rod because his socks are up. Also, because A-Rod has a really nice Yankees Butt.

In a way, #13, 3B, Alex Rodriguez's butt was the inspiration for this blog. A friend needed some cheering up and the only 100% bulletproof way to make that happen, was to send her a picture of A-Rod's butt. This pic, actually. And it worked, because aside from being one of the most talented baseball players to ever play the game, A-Rod's got a really nice butt. His Yankees Butt is like a magical Happy-Elixir to cheer up my friend. A-Rod's Yankees Butt is a real do-gooder.

His, in my opinion, is the first Yankees Butt posted here that actually falls into "Booty" territory. Fans of Jorge's snack-table Yankees Butt will probably disagree. Post your reasons in the comments section below.

Mark Teixeira Wears Flattering Pants

Massive free agent signing for the 2009 season (and beyond), #25, 1B MVP Candidate Mark Teixeira is today's Featured Yankees Butt.

Though his legendary slow starts seem to drag on forever, we all know the type of numbers Teixeira will put up by the end of the season. Mark hit a bump in the road a couple of weeks ago after fouling a ball off his foot, but if the past 2 games are any indication, he's finally starting to reheat up. Then again, it's Baltimore.

While I don't typically spend much time pondering Teixeira's Yankees Butt, I do enjoy this photo (taken at an 8/2009 BP). There's something about how the pinstripes frame his Yankees Butt. Please note: #19, Ramiro Pena* on the left-- same pants, different optical illusion. Teix wears the pants well, is what I'm saying.

Mark looks like he's listening to Swisher here, but he's actually daydreaming about snack bars.


* You'll get a post, Ramiro- as soon as you turn 18.

Salute-Worthy: Nick Swisher

Thus far, we've only praised some farm-raised Yankees Butts. Today we're gonna stir things up a bit and check out some wild stock. A Yankees Butt so wild, it could not be tamed by Ozzie Guillen himself: #33, OF/1B/P Nick Swisher. SWISHAA*!!

Nick was a wonderful addition to the Yanks last year. His sometimes obnoxious ability to take walks at integral moments in the game would finally work to the Yankees advantage. When Xavier Nady went down with an elbow injury early in the season, Nick grabbed RF by the balls and helped drive the Yankees to their 27th championship.

This pic of Swisher's Yankees Butt, was taken during a BP in 8/2009. I'm not entirely sure what is going on here, but Nick seems to have lost something in his pants. I would make some crass (ha!) remark about helping him find whatever it is that he's missing, but here at yankeesbutts.blogspot.com, we don't engage in that sort of low-brow humor.


*This was shouted at me at when I wore my Swisher shirt to a Phish show at Great Woods, MASS last summer... And yes, I did it for that very reason.