A-Rod's Quest for 600.

It's been awhile, but rest assured, Yankees Butts has not left you. I've read your complaints/threats, and realize there's a great need for some Yankees Butts action STAT.

And never has a Yankees Butt needed us so badly as it does right now. Alex Rodriguez just happened to be strolling along one day and hit 599 home runs without anyone paying attention to him. Every day since: 30 reporters ask him why he hasn't hit #600 yet, the fans come flocking to the freak show and blind him with camera flashes, Umps are switching out his balls (ha!), and poor A-Rod can't even go to the Hustler Club without someone shoving a "#600 TONIGHT?" oak-tag sign in his face. It's a real mind-fuck.

That's why A-Rod is getting a nod this week. Don't mistake it for sympathy, because it's actually a Vote of Confidence. A-Rod,

We know you're gonna hit #600. And if not-- if you manage to play out the rest of your career without hitting even ONE MORE home run, you've always got that fine Yankees Butt to fall back on.

Love, Yankees Butts It's been nearly 2 weeks since his last home run. He needs our help. So, during his next at-bat, take a good look and think about everything A-Rod's Yankees Butt has done for you over the years. It's time to repay the favor. If we all work together, maybe-- just maybe, we can will that ball into the third-tier... or at least over the short porch.