The only good thing about this gruesome video is that Joe Girardi looks like a flying squirrel when he's running to the Outfield in his BP jacket. Actually, that's pretty awesome. But I digress...
Oh, Mo. Can this really be the end? Future Hall of Famer Mariano Rivera, #42, the greatest Closer in baseball history, seems to have torn his ACL and Meniscus after a misstep shagging balls in the Outfield at Kauffman Stadium, and is awaiting confirmation by NYC Doctors, cuz everyone knows that NYC Doctors are the only Doctors who can read MRI's correctly. This is true, actually. I ruptured my LCL once and was diagnosed incorrectly by a non-NYC Doctor (probably from Kansas City) who told me it looked fine and I just needed some PT. A year later, when I still couldn't walk, I went to a real, certified, NYC Doctor, with an office on the island of Manhattan in an actual hospital and everything, and he was all, "YOU HAVE NO LCL!" Then he sawed part of my Tibia off and re-attached my knee at a different angle with some screws, and strapped my leg into a machine that continuously bent it for me for 4 hours a day so the muscles didn't atrophy, then I had to do PT for another year, but now I walk just fine.
My point is, Mariano is going to miss the rest of this godforsaken fucking season. There was speculation he'd retire at the end of the year, but there's no way this motherfucker is going down without a fight. Mark my words, they have the technology-- they will rebuild him. Don't kid yourselves- they are already injecting fetal stem cells into that shit. He'll be back in 2013. I think. In the meantime, David Robertson is inheriting the Closer role. Rafael Soriano is taking over the 8th. And Phil Hughes is going back to the Bullpen, where he belongs.
Anyways, it could be worse. Mariano's tight Panamanian Yankees Butt seems completely intact. So, there's that.
We'll all miss Mo in 2012, but my fantasy team will miss him the most. Pity me too. Speaking of which-- get well, Swish. NOW.
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