A-Rod's Quest for 600.

It's been awhile, but rest assured, Yankees Butts has not left you. I've read your complaints/threats, and realize there's a great need for some Yankees Butts action STAT.

And never has a Yankees Butt needed us so badly as it does right now. Alex Rodriguez just happened to be strolling along one day and hit 599 home runs without anyone paying attention to him. Every day since: 30 reporters ask him why he hasn't hit #600 yet, the fans come flocking to the freak show and blind him with camera flashes, Umps are switching out his balls (ha!), and poor A-Rod can't even go to the Hustler Club without someone shoving a "#600 TONIGHT?" oak-tag sign in his face. It's a real mind-fuck.

That's why A-Rod is getting a nod this week. Don't mistake it for sympathy, because it's actually a Vote of Confidence. A-Rod,

We know you're gonna hit #600. And if not-- if you manage to play out the rest of your career without hitting even ONE MORE home run, you've always got that fine Yankees Butt to fall back on.

Love, Yankees Butts It's been nearly 2 weeks since his last home run. He needs our help. So, during his next at-bat, take a good look and think about everything A-Rod's Yankees Butt has done for you over the years. It's time to repay the favor. If we all work together, maybe-- just maybe, we can will that ball into the third-tier... or at least over the short porch.

And They Just Stood There...

As if they knew a totally cute blogger was admiring their fine Yankees Outfielding Butts from the bleachers.

Yes, they're also assessing (ha?) the damage from the recent boxing match that destroyed the precious field, but more importantly, this spontaneous photo-op from the recent Phillies series has afforded us a chance to throw some love out to the 2010 Yankees OF.

#33, Swishaa's trimmed down in the off-season with great results, #11, Brett Gardner has become the productive pest that everyone had hoped for, and #14, Curtis Granderson made an immediate positive impact in the lineup. When healthy, he adds flow. The more I see him play, the more I dig his style. Grandy is the type of guy who knows where his library card is. I can say for certain, that it is in neither of his back pockets. I tell you whut.

A-Rod Wants To Make You Happy

That's A-Rod down there. You can tell it's A-Rod because his socks are up. Also, because A-Rod has a really nice Yankees Butt.

In a way, #13, 3B, Alex Rodriguez's butt was the inspiration for this blog. A friend needed some cheering up and the only 100% bulletproof way to make that happen, was to send her a picture of A-Rod's butt. This pic, actually. And it worked, because aside from being one of the most talented baseball players to ever play the game, A-Rod's got a really nice butt. His Yankees Butt is like a magical Happy-Elixir to cheer up my friend. A-Rod's Yankees Butt is a real do-gooder.

His, in my opinion, is the first Yankees Butt posted here that actually falls into "Booty" territory. Fans of Jorge's snack-table Yankees Butt will probably disagree. Post your reasons in the comments section below.

Mark Teixeira Wears Flattering Pants

Massive free agent signing for the 2009 season (and beyond), #25, 1B MVP Candidate Mark Teixeira is today's Featured Yankees Butt.

Though his legendary slow starts seem to drag on forever, we all know the type of numbers Teixeira will put up by the end of the season. Mark hit a bump in the road a couple of weeks ago after fouling a ball off his foot, but if the past 2 games are any indication, he's finally starting to reheat up. Then again, it's Baltimore.

While I don't typically spend much time pondering Teixeira's Yankees Butt, I do enjoy this photo (taken at an 8/2009 BP). There's something about how the pinstripes frame his Yankees Butt. Please note: #19, Ramiro Pena* on the left-- same pants, different optical illusion. Teix wears the pants well, is what I'm saying.

Mark looks like he's listening to Swisher here, but he's actually daydreaming about snack bars.


* You'll get a post, Ramiro- as soon as you turn 18.

Salute-Worthy: Nick Swisher

Thus far, we've only praised some farm-raised Yankees Butts. Today we're gonna stir things up a bit and check out some wild stock. A Yankees Butt so wild, it could not be tamed by Ozzie Guillen himself: #33, OF/1B/P Nick Swisher. SWISHAA*!!

Nick was a wonderful addition to the Yanks last year. His sometimes obnoxious ability to take walks at integral moments in the game would finally work to the Yankees advantage. When Xavier Nady went down with an elbow injury early in the season, Nick grabbed RF by the balls and helped drive the Yankees to their 27th championship.

This pic of Swisher's Yankees Butt, was taken during a BP in 8/2009. I'm not entirely sure what is going on here, but Nick seems to have lost something in his pants. I would make some crass (ha!) remark about helping him find whatever it is that he's missing, but here at yankeesbutts.blogspot.com, we don't engage in that sort of low-brow humor.


*This was shouted at me at when I wore my Swisher shirt to a Phish show at Great Woods, MASS last summer... And yes, I did it for that very reason.

Jorge Posada, Welcome Back.

In honor of his return to the lineup a couple of days ago, it's time to welcome #20, Catcher & DH Jorge Posada, back from the DL with an official Yankees Butts nod. While he doesn't do it so much for me, I have a number of friends who swear by Jorge Posada's Yankees Butt.

In fact, a few years back, my friend H and I grabbed some Iftar boxes from a street vendor (it was Ramadan) and headed to the Bronx for a night-game. As we sat and feasted in the Left Field nosebleeds, H declared her love for Jorge Posada and his Yankees Butt. H reckoned that she could set down an Iftar box on it (like a snack table) and eat her dinner.

Such were her kudos for Jorge Posada's Yankees Butt above all other Yankees Butts. Georgie's butt: sturdy and practical.

In more technical blaunching news, please note that a link for baseball-reference.com has been added to the right-side menu of this blog. Additionally, all Yankees Butts will henceforth be linked to their owner's stats. This is a baseball site, after all.

Francisco Cervelli: A Spicy Meatahball

Oh, my. # 29, Francisco Cervelli. He gives new meaning to the term, "Backup Catcher". Ho, ho! See what I did there? High-fives? Anyone?


Objectification aside, I absolutely love watching Francisco play. He breathes some energy into the team, is animated at the plate, calls a great game, knows how to work a walk, and has become a clutch hit & RBI monster. His awesome Yankees Butt happens to be a bonus... A sweet, sweet bonus.

Nothing against Jorge (cuz we'll get to him soon), but hot damn- Francisco Cervelli is my New Favorite Yankee! Also, he shit-talked Marco Scutaro at the plate in Italian. Fucking spectacular!

Francisco-- call me- we'll get pizza.

Yankees Butts-- FIRST POST! Derek Jeter! (duh!)

Welcome to Yankees Butts, a totally innappropriate blog. I can't think of a better way to launch a blog ("blaunch"), than with a picture of Derek Jeter's butt. Yes, good ol' #2, the Captain. Possibly my favorite Yankees Butt of them all. I'm not a robot, folks.

This picture of Cap'n Jetes was taken on 8/10/09, vs. the Blue Jays.

Notice, Lyle Overbay's butt is also in the shot-- meh. This is gonna happen from time to time, other butts are going to sneak into the shots. Such as # 50, First Base Coach, Mick Kelleher's butt (see above)- while I respect his work, this pic is still all about Derek Jeter's butt.